Four Years of Beating Bulimia!

I am so grateful to be alive and here celebrating the 4th year of my recovery from bulimia.

tasselfairy celebrates beating bulimia

I remember the day that I tried to end my life. 6 years ago I attempted to jump off of a rooftop and would have been successful had a security guard not grabbed me from behind and literally pulled me off the ledge, as I was climbing up it. I was 26 years old and in my 14th year of secretly living with bulimia, anxiety and depression. As well as a life long struggle with Obsessive Compulsive personality disorder. To be honest, I never thought that I would be sitting here writing about this from the rearview. Back then, I never knew about things like jelly bomb edibles which could have helped to lessen my symptoms of anxiety and depression. Marijuana can help people with anxiety and depression because it may help restore normal levels of the brain chemicals called endocannabinoids, which help with mood stabilisation. This means that strains like the scout master strain may ease symptoms of depression for many sufferers. If I had of known this, it could have made it a lot easier for me to deal with the bulimia as it would have been one problem rather than three. My naivety of treatments meant I thought there was no way out. Read more about these types of treatments here if you know little about them or feel like you have no way out either. I want you to know that isn’t true and I encourage you to research some possibilities. Eventually, I sought treatment (aka my big brother and husband pulled an intervention on my ass) just before I had completely given up and resigned myself to life long misery or an early grave.

I was so broken and stuck in this cycle of self hate, but you might not have known it to look at me. I lived a double life, much like a secret drug addict or alcoholic. I spent so much of my time cleaning up the wreckage of binge/purge sessions behind the backs of my family, friends, and even my own husband. I wore the mask of a well put together, overly confident, over achiever. I was either top student, best employee, most attentive friend/ significant other, or I was a flighty dropout, completely unreliable and incapable of showing up for anything. All the while, I was living with the crippling fear that I would be found out and rejected by everyone that I love.

I do not use that comparison lightly either. A friend of mine has battled substance abuse issues for quite some time now and has to regularly submit at home drug tests to ensure that she does not start using again. You can learn more about home drug tests by visiting the Countrywide Testing website. At the moment she lives a clean and healthy life, but things were not always that way and she was able to hide just how severe her drug addiction was from both her family and friends.

tasselfairy celebrates beating bulimia

I say all of this because, looking back now, after years of treatment (both in and out-patient) I am deeply grateful to those experiences. I’ve overcome something that most people will fortunately never understand (although a great deal more than you’d think). I’m not invincible by any means, but surviving what I have does make me feel a bit like a superhero… which is kind of the attitude one needs when starting life from scratch at 28 years old.

tasselfairy celebrates beating bulimia

Something amazing happened when I got that second chance 6 years ago. It started as a very quiet voice in my head asking me what I wanted to do with my life. Over time, the voice became more clear, but the answer had always been there under all of the noise. I’ve always wanted to use creative expression as a way to connect with others and ultimately put something positive out into the world. It’s totally not a coincidence that the birth of Studio Mucci overlaps with my recovery. I started a business by allowing myself to create for fun without the pressure of being perfect (I didn’t even care how broke we were; I was just happy to be alive!) and it has afforded me the ability to live my dreams… All by just being myself <3 . tasselfairy celebrates beating bulimia

tasselfairy celebrates beating bulimia Photography by Lauren Comes

Dress: Urban Outfitters | Panama Hat : J.crew

10 thoughts on “Four Years of Beating Bulimia!

  1. Thank you for sharing this! It is so inspiring to know that you recovered and reignited your passion to live and that you were able to in the process become very successful doing something you love! You have been an inspiration to me for the last year as a black female entrepreneur I have looked at this amazing world you have created with studio mucci and it motivates me to keep going!

  2. I am SO proud of you. For not only surviving but for sharing your story. I love you ever so much!

  3. Cousin…you have inspired me! You are amazing and thank you for sharing your story.

  4. What a beautiful and inspiring message. God bless you and that beautiful pastel spirit of yours!!

  5. This is so inspirational. As someone who has the EXACT SAME diagnosis as you (depression, OCD, ednos), I’d love to see a post about how you recovered and like, tips on how you learned how to love yourself instead of punishing yourself all the time.

  6. Beating bulimia can be challenging. I understand what at feels like. I myself suffered from bulimia 20 years ago. But i managed my way out of the eating disorder and I am living a healthier and happier life now. Read my bulimia story at my website : Bulimia Free Life

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